While speaking to my attorney on the phone, the property guy stops by and has me sign a receipt for a loaner TV.

One of the cells across from me gets a maintenance call because the door slams open really hard. They are driven by air pressure. Two guys open up the metal enclosed chase way that holds the electric and air lines to the cell doors. While they are up on their ladders a guard is doing his rounds and as he turns to speak to a maintenance guy he reflexively points his flashlight at him and the maintenance guy voices his displeasure and puts his hadn't out to steady himself on the cell door mechanisms. Three minutes later he still complains about seeing spots. I tell him that the flashlights need to be bright enough to penetrate your eyelids which he nods in acknowledgement or agreement. My sense of a proper circadian rhythm and internal track of day and night is gone. I try but cannot keep regular hours against my back always a bother and the various disruptions of inmates and staff. I would ask them to get a light that isn't so unnecessarily bright, but..."the thing is we don't have to."

Awakened by inmates yelling and laughing between midnight and 1:00am, I intentionally avoid looking at the clock so it doesn't mess with my head. I gave up after the guards fourth lap which I calculate to be over two hours later. At 4:44am the inmate who is always howling starts pounding and rapping loudly. He is being released today. 8:36am, I am doing the twisting stretch where I lay belly down and face opposite the knee I have bent underneath me. I get an alarming snap that is so loud I am a bit worried to move afterward. It happened. I felt it in the lower part of the about six inch column that always hurts.

​I get another packet of information from the federal courthouse. The first had tested positive for heroin and the envelope to the one delivered today tested positive for Fentanyl. The guy who checked the mail was careful to clean and change his gloves after the envelope tested positive and I wonder if that should have happened with the first packet. Guys go to the hole for positive tests and the only thing saving me is that the mail is from the court who has confirmed they sent it. 

I slept from about 9:30pm standing count until the guard clacked the baton at 11:20pm. I want to complain but "the thing is... we don't have to" (be respectfully quiet). 

I was dreaming about accidentally grabbing a big fat tarantula while searching for my underwear and pants during the aftermath of a party. I had a t-shirt on, but yes, only a t-shirt. I set the spider down and it crawled under the couch and then I was worried it would get stepped on. The spider was also not wearing any underwear or pants. Or any clothes at all. I did find a new pair of underwear that fit perfectly and decided to not bother with pants after that. Then I was startled awake by the clack of the guards baton. Don't bother writing to ask what the spider's name was. I will not say. 

Today I laid around listening to the applause and pounding of other inmates getting excited for football and it struck me as sad and pitiful as well as peculiar. I suppose I watch sports quietly and do not feel the compulsion to pound my hands together in response to the performance of whatever team I may feel some allegiance. Maybe if I was at the game, but not while sitting in front of a TV. Maybe I am wrong but if I get a TV by the Super Bowl then I can double check. 

I am awake before 1:00am but have managed about three hours of sleep. I do my stretches after 2:16 when the guard goes by so they don't look in at my awkward positions. My elbow actually woke me up tonight and not my back. With my arm down at my side, I extend and press my thumb down while bending my wrist to turn my fingers/hand up. Then I twist and turn my hand as though my thumb was pressing down on a spot as a pivot. I hold the extreme positions for 15 seconds after any popping and snapping sounds conclude. That movement feels better than the ones recommended by physical therapy.

​I have been using the early morning hours to write, while it is quiet. 

Another visit by family. After hours of therapeutic complaining we get to normal conversation which is the something good I get in some of the letters people send; a sense of normalcy. We took some pictures which took a few attempts at a smile before we found a real one. The smirk of failed smile attempts is always awkward. I guess it is good that someone sent money to my account because the cost of pictures is debited from the inmate account at $2 each. It is hard to hear about everything I am missing. 

About 3:25pm, Finnell, the property guy brings envelopes. I ask how long it will take to exchange the TV and he says hopefully next week the replacement should be here. He says he had to send four others back for also being broken. He told me there were missing screws on the inside of the TV. Now he is saying the TV and others were broken. I don't know why the story changed but I hope the replacement arrives before the Super Bowl. 

About 1:24pm I go see Doctor Gina Degiovanni. I complain about all the usual. She types not a third of what I say. Back, elbow, and headache/diet are the big issues. I don't go into the heel as I am still trying the physical therapy. Elbow too, but I ask about access to the gym to do an exercise that I can feel affects the injury. Hopefully in a good way? I never know and don't get the minimal amount required to accommodate the physical therapy minimal requirement. The exercise is to use swiveling hand grips to do pull ups, by the way. It accentuates something in my forearm that pulls at my elbow injury. The doctor still doesn't know about my medical records but I am finally given a release form to request records from the jail. Still no interest in my records prior to that. She directs me to communicate providing additional records to Sarah Martin at the HSU. Previously the doctor said she would speak with the dietician for me but says she has not but will submit a request for me to speak with her. I can induce my headache by simply drinking milk with a little bit of some sugary food. Not drinking any milk has alleviated my headache but I will run out of extra food too soon. Multivitamins also cause the headache to return or spike. I wonder if it isn't the vitamins A&D that are added to milk and not the milk itself. I tell the doctor I wish I could be healthy eating junk food but point out that I am asking for bland and unpleasant so my head doesn't hurt. I also reiterate my heating pad request, also not for comfort, but to help alleviate acute discomfort.

​She almost gets excited to refer me to psych services when I talk about sleep. Does institutional medical service create and perpetuate substance abuse? Trigger point injections I can expect could be met with some difficulty. A heating pad and just being respectfully quiet are not an option? But force me on psych meds? Does anyone else find this insane? I told her that the jail did exactly that and at one point my right eye was seeing rainbows. I suggest we review my records before pursuing psych solutions.

Also today; I was refused a coloring book someone sent me because coloring books are available through the authorized vendors. I am not allowed to have things and they get taken or withheld and destroyed. It is important people understand so they can determine how to help. I really appreciate the help and hate to see anything wasted. 

2:31am I am startled awake at another guard hitting the checkpoint with his baton. Later in the day, some inmates talk about overhearing guards talk about trying to antagonize inmates prone to violence so they can get punched and "sit at home and get paid." Is that a thing? Provoke an attack for worker's compensation?