Happy Fathers Day to all the fathers. It is hot and humid. The guards brought us a small scoop of ice this afternoon to help us cope with the heat. That was very kind of them. I think and dream about my kids often although I have been reluctant to write about it very much. Teaching my son to dribble a basketball between his feet or taking all three kids to a movie theater with two screens are my most recent favorite dreams. I still spontaneously heave tears a few times a week missing my kids which I suppose shows I care but also shows an underlying trauma. Today it happened before I realized it is Fathers Day.

​I do not know if the theory already exists but I have no means to check if anyone else has published or written about what I am going to share. Do you know that when electricity flows or electrons move, that a magnetic field is created perpendicular to the direction it flows? In a circle or cycle it can be utilized for all sorts of instruments, tools, and work. So, a black hole in outer space can bend light because its gravitational field is so strong. Is there some sort of field that is created perpendicular to the flow of photons of light? And, if we could bend light into a circle, could the resulting field then be realized to produce additional phenomenon? Light or radiant energy is not intense enough to be "heavy." At some point in the history of everything there must have been enough radiant energy and gravity, together in space for that phenomenon to occur. We do not have a name for whatever the phenomenon might be for the field that gets created perpendicular to the flow of photons, or any radiant energy. It would presumably be something we do not have instruments to detect, or the ability to naturally experience it. I propose it exists and we are yet to discover and prove it. Then mankind can harness the photo-motive force for space propulsion. First, I would go to the three bright stars in my night sky...

Awoken at 2:00am by an inconsiderate guard striking the checkpoint with his baton. The "respectful" behavior that is so "encouraged?" Long days. I heard that my fling notice has gathered some news attention. They supposedly held a hearing but did not include me. That doesn't appear very impartial to me but my experience suggests judges just pretend to be neutral. Actually, I have met a few good ones but the bad ones really ruin some expectations.

​Humid enough to start gluing my envelopes together prematurely. I have my fan pointed at the cool metal toilet-sink and I try to leave my TV off but for about an hour because it generates heat. The dude abides. 

Dreamt about clearing snow and then burning pine branches and logs with my older brother. 

Old man. Happy Birthday. 

Break on through! Break on through! Break on through to the other side!

To fathom hell or soar angelic, just take a pinch of Zach-adelic. 

The internet is restored but it is the weekend so I won't get to make a call until Monday. My apologies for not getting more letters out lately. I have been feeling very disconnected from most everyone. Largely caused by the trouble I experience with letters and phone calls, and I don't get enough sleep to have the energy to fight or argue about it. The rarity I use a phone is so flooded with anxiety that I sweat like I am exercising. Writing letters too, and I have consequently avoided even bothering with the simple dream entries in my journal. I don't know what they are doing with my letters but they have me so restricted I cannot even have a small bottle of mouthwash. I have no thoughts of suicide but I suspect that my complaints and grief is being calculated for further mistreatment and so it becomes an issue of wanting to write, but also giving them convenient excuses to harass me. They twist whatever they can to satisfy their interests, and I am not interested in inviting any more problems than I already have. 

The internet is still down so I will not have had an opportunity to call anyone from Tuesday about 3:00pm this week until about 2:15 on Monday next week, assuming they fix the internet by then. Three phone calls in ten days, and none at all during evenings and weekends. No good reason why calls are not made available on evenings and weekends but for agreeing to use the prison issued loaner tablet that bleeds everyone's accounts dry. I don't have the ability to encourage the prison to advocate for my ability to call then I have no choice but to be isolated from family and friends. Letters disappear, phone calls are restricted or unavailable, and if you don't have people willing to pay through the trust fund so they can take 85% of incoming money, then you are forced to go without. I cannot afford to keep friends and relationships because financial obligation is indirectly imposed on people who would contribute toward my well being. 

New inmates arrived on Monday and they already have all of their property and tablets. It took weeks for them to provide my property to me. The new guys are young and loud. The internet has been down so no phone calls are available at all. 

The Wolf is compelled to file for an extension because we are still waiting for some things to come together. Even if the things do come together before the current deadline, she doesn't want to be rushed. Our new target is July 21st.