august 2, 2024

I have had some dreams about family lately that I just decided I did not want to write about. My kids still are so young when I dream about them even after I stare at pictures of them as they are now before I try to sleep. I sporadically break down and cry but I am not sure what triggers it. My pretend tough runs out of gas too quick for me to fill a journal without disclosing my emotional truth. I cannot say I feel any better to cry either. So I don't really know what to make of it.

​Prison continues to make no sense to me. I think it is like having a babysitter care for your kids who keeps them in the bathroom and comes by the window every thirty minutes to lick the glass. And then expecting the kids to grow into well adjusted self sufficient adults? Oh, don't forget the sporadic humiliation of having to get strip searched or having your mail taken for anything that may arouse heterosexual desires? Damn, I wish I could sleep more. The days are so long. I wish the phone system was more reliable. The quality of calls is often so poor that I feel it is more like stealing/theft. It is such an inconvenience to dispute lost time for poor call quality that people tend to avoid the complaint but they have no incentive to fix the issues. I wonder how private institutions are run? I am curious if it is better or worse.