I just cannot get enough of the legal access. Today, they call for "no movement" so I will be denied the opportunity to explore the discovery material. Not being able not answer questions keeps my mind stuck in a loop while I pace for hours in my cell. I will even read the law library on the tablet while I pace back and forth. I don't know the correct legal jargon but I find something today that has me electric inside. The whole trial was such a bunch of fiction. I have struggled to really ask the right questions or use the correct words. The two issues I presented to my attorney yesterday just wouldn't get out of my had. Today I found some cases that address one of the issues and it is well explained. I just figured something out. Not just the common sense part but the legal theory that deals with the issue.

Never enough sleep. I get up and continue my law library grind. When Natalie gets here we get right to going over all sorts of stuff. When we get some of the oddball distractions out of the way we go over the monumental work she has so far completed in my post conviction motion, which occupies most of the day until 3pm with about an hour break for me to go to my cell for lunch. Both of us were burnt out on the post conviction review and she was good to field a few questions or make a few notes to research some answers for me. She was really good at navigating documents and evidence and she really knows the trial and the case well. It was impressive how well she could recall details. Today I am reassured and extremely confident in her and so grateful for all the help to hire her. 

I continue to be astounded at the excitement some of these inmates to demonstrate for each others use of the phrase "booty cheeks." They get exceptionally loud about conversation involving ass comments. They are so loud it is hard to hear the tablet phone calls I now have access to. Now that I have some better access to call people I am not sweating profusely in anxiety to speak to people. The guys keep asking me to get a tv subscription for the tablet but I am not writing or doing much else but reading and looking up cases with the law library app access.

I was staring at the tater tot casserole we have for dinner and thinking I would make something like this for my kids. I continue to fail at breaking four hours of sleep and the spongy fog that encumbers the back of my head to the back of my eyes I would not be surprised to learn is a brain tumor. My pulses of energy fade quickly and I fear it will never get better. Forever poisoned. People suppose I am strong but I am all but defeated and just try to keep my hearts compass pointed at my kids. True North. I did hear that a few more shows have come out about the trial or the case. I understand people fail to imagine the truth about anything they may feel looks bad about me. Eventually I expect to speak for myself and I shouldn't be persecuted for anyones lack of imagination. The prosecution was eager to feed information out of context and completely inaccurate to satisfy eager fantasies but missing important pieces makes quite a lot of difference. Think about the "L" the next time you Halve your cake and eat it "instead of 'have your cake and eat it.'" It would be bad enough if they just added an L, but the S and H prove it wasn't a simple mistake. How do you disprove false facts?

I had the opportunity to look at the discovery material briefly this morning. An hour is all they allow and the computer took almost forty minutes to load a cell phone extraction. I got to view some pictures I had taken of my kids and I don't know how to sort my feelings about how they do not look the same and I still dream about them as they were four years ago. Yes, I cried, and heavy when I got back to the "privacy" of my cell. 

The state-issued tablet has a slow and awkward version of law library access which I have been using to read about cases with hopes of finding the best verbiage to express my own arguments. It annoys me that they call assertions facts and even call obvious non-truths "false facts." It is such a liars game where even blatant lies must be referred to as fact? Everything I stumble through reassures me greatly, as long as I get an honest judge. Against my skepticism I remain optimistic. My head obsesses about them taking from me something they cannot replace for their convenience and gratification. Oaths do not assure honesty and the system should require more to be called justice. 

6:00am until 12:00 noon, I am taken to Gundersen Health in La Crosse and do a preliminary interview with Paula. I was really hoping for any sort of treatment but alas no. Still not. When we were done the two guards that drove me made me sit in a room while each took turns going to eat and make phone calls until I got upset about being forced to sit in shackles while they sponged extra time to steal a larger paycheck. Not enough staff? No. Staff just don't have to do anything so they can always claim to need more people. The trip should have taken less than four hours total, including the interview. DOC deserves budget and staff reduction. Taxpayers are getting robbed.

I probably do not do a very good job of explaining what normal prison life is like. Some things may seem normal to unfamiliar observers but they are not. One thing the guards do as a security measure is take a mirror on a stick and check the underside of chairs and tables to make sure inmates aren't stashing contraband to retrieve for themselves later on or to pass it to another inmate. This morning at rec the unit manager is again out of his office to watch inmates. He goes to the bench seats at the end of the basketball court and is bending over low enough to position his head under the seat. Inmates are confused by him checking under seats while we are at rec. Apparently it is something they do not do in front of inmates and also how he is going about it is abnormal enough to invite the usual accusations that the unit manager is "offering his ass." One inmate says the unit manager is "blowing in your eye" (soliciting) if you'll blow in his eye. It does seem to me that he is out here pretending to do some job duty but doing it peculiarly enough to demonstrate he is up to something else. It doesn't matter to me if staff is gay, but after they lied to discipline me at Dodge I have been trying to understand the reason behind it. So when the staff advertise themselves it becomes juxtapose their restrictions on inmates having provocative pictures of their significant partners and how heterosexual interests are points of persecution. So much so that they are welcome to make up an obvious lie and impose discipline. Sounds sort of crazy but it's actually way beyond that. Guys are welcomed to take hormone treatment to "gender flip" or match their biological gender to their psychological gender. That used to be called gender dysphoria but I am not certain of the current politically correct term. Based on reported depression and suicide rates, I wonder if persecuting people for sexual disposition and gender preference of themselves or their partners really should be considered cruel and unusual punishment. I don't even feel unusual should be the argument. Cruel and unjustifiable punishment is probably a more appropriate phase. Anyway, this place continues to confuse me. 

Jeepers creepers takes a step back when she opens the young guys trap across from me so she can see his junk while she is collecting dirty laundry. She actually moves her head to follow the view. Normally the guards stand near enough to the door to see you through the glass window but stepping away allows the line of sight through the trap door and she is obvious about it. Witnessing this behavior encourages me to second guess the screening process for new employees. How could they know?

Today is the first time I have seen the video walk through of the missing guys apartment. There were a number of things that were clarified by seeing the video that I misunderstood by looking at pictures of the place. I don't think I had any particularly helpful observations but I did notice there were Clorox wipes on his counter so I wonder, based on Kenosha Detective logic, what crime scene he must have been cleaning up.

I got to "PRC" about 10:00 this morning. I think it stands for prisoner re-classification. I voice my innocence in the conviction and the issue with the staff at Dodge. The woman administering the review says my points are low enough to be sent to a medium but that I have a "restriction" that mandates three years in a max level institution. She also says that even without the trouble at Dodge, I am sentenced to so much time that I would not be prioritized for any vocational program or work assignment. So, because of the sentence, I cannot work to pay my own contribution toward child support. Justice system?

​On the way back from PRC the unit manager is standing with guards at the control cage or "sergeants cage" but he is standing in the middle of the hallway at the corner with his feet spread much wider than his shoulders and his arms crossed. The "wide base posture." It forces inmates to wait and walk around him as being discourteous is how he attempts to validate himself. Does anyone else feel they ruined Scooby-do by introducing Scrappy-do to the show? I bet some of you who are good enough to read this wonder why it is even worth mentioning. It shouldn't be but this is the guy who imposes the restriction on being able to talk to my kids, who took away evening and weekend phone calls to force me to get the state-issued tablet, and lied to the people willing to call the prison on my behalf. In my eyes, I would say it is a punishment on my children and loved ones as collateral damage for his eagerness to have something with which to punish me. He is questionably meddlesome beyond his badge of authority, and a solid example of how leaving things to the distraction of staff assures the abuse of power. 

Jordie brought me a tablet this afternoon. He had thought I needed to exchange my tablet because someone told him I already had one. He came back later with the form I needed to sign and now I can bother people on evenings and weekends too. 

I was young, maybe in my early teens and was forced to dance with an older man much taller than I was because he thought I was attractive in my disguise of a dress, makeup and a wig. Really awkward way to start a dream but I quickly found an opportunity to break through the crowd around us and left onto the back of a giant magical horse before reaching my hand down to swing my girlfriend onto the horses back behind me. The horse was directed by some sort of telepathic communication I had with it that I called "the vision." To escape the pursuing authorities the magical beast jumped over a train whereafter we had to find a hotel to stop and rest while I watched an old movie that had a duet between a man and woman which would both suppress my insanity and enable the vision for me to communicate with the horse. Learn the song. Learn the song. I slept about 12:30 until almost 4:30am.

Someone ear marked Donald "Duck'n Shots" Trump at his political rally in Pennsylvania today. I bet that will basically guarantee he wins the next Presidential election. I was looking at the news using the word "neutralized" when referring to the shooter and thinking that the term is befitting for what the government and authorities do to someone accused of a crime. I was financially and socially "neutralized" for them to get away with three years in jail and then the bogus trial and conviction. Now the prison continues to try to neutralize my ability to defend myself with restrictions so unreasonable that it significantly compromises access to legal resources or a social network of people inclined to help me right this wrong. I think neutralized is not the best term for what happened to Trumps attacker. The attack killed someone and he or she was killed in response. It feels like they use the term neutralize to reserve ethical and emotional justification. The attacker allegedly shot eight times but when you listen to the gun fire there is a final shot that happens in the end that sounds like the authorities put an extra shot into the attacker to assure he was dead. Maybe he was neutralized and then executed just in case? It seemed like it was a late shot but the attacker could have done so much more damage. It really was a commendable response by the secret service and security detail.

​I hope my kids enjoyed the thunderstorm tonight. We would open the door and watch the storms from inside my house or inside the sunporch when we had warm weather storms like tonight.