April 25, 2024

I dreamt I was with a girl I knew as a teen but was awoken by the bright light of the guard doing his rounds. My next dream had me outside my vehicle putting clothes on when I noticed a deer trying to jump over a chain link fence. The beep from the guards baton activating at the checkpoint snapped me out of that. About sixteen years ago I drove through the heaviest downpour I have ever experienced. A woman who used to love me was very pregnant and in the car next to me. I was glad I knew the route to the hospital really well because I could barely see just a few feet in front of the car. The road could not shed the rainfall fast enough so I couldn't see the lines painted on the road, but focussed on the other visual references like the curb or shoulder of the road to pathfinder the trip. A deluge. It took one of mother natures more dramatic expressions to inspire my daughter be born on that day. She couldn't breathe right away and the hospital staff couldn't get an IV started. While she was in the intensive care unit a nurse entered the hospital room and looked at the whiteboard that held two possibilities for baby names and after an apologetic disclaimer said that if our daughter survived we could name her [name redacted] and call her [name redacted]. She was healthy and strong but had inhaled too much before she was born and they tried to start an IV to help since they had trouble clearing her lungs. It was scary and they were even talking about an emergency helicopter trip to a different hospital but that did not happen. My baby girl is healthy and resilient still, but much less of a baby girl. I guess most people would say she is a young woman now. I hope she is making good choices that protect her long term well being. I wish I was there to help. I love and miss her always.