An inmate at rec this morning tells me that there isn't any way that he and another inmate are going to be able to allow me on the last phone I have no been "kicked off." I tell him that he doesn't own the phone and that I have used the same phone for months ever since a different inmate left. I tell him that if he can't rotate the phone to the next person in line then he should go find a different phone. After rec I hear him complaining to the other inmate about being at the phone to stop me from using it. I am not really sure the best way to handle the conflict. I have essentially been forced down the line having attempted to find regular use of any phone during rec and without recruiting help to hold the phone like other inmates do, I am left either without or in  opposition.

I also received mail from the Federal Courthouse today and need help to complete the forms, so I will be needing phone calls. It is all quite an over complicated mess that I do not have discovery or official records to attempt to complete on my own.

till, only one person has bothered to install the application for video visits by which calls can be scheduled. I don't just need help. I need the right type of help to be responsive.

As I was flipping through the channels a comment about control, dominance, and authority caught my attention in a show that was talking about the characteristics of serial killer John Wayne Gayce. The thing is, when I heard it, it seemed to me that it was describing law enforcement. I only stopped to watch more expecting it was a criticism of Law Enforcement and, as it turns out, it was about criminal behavior. From my perspective, authorities and criminals are in cahoots, so to hear the description provoked further contemplation. It often just comes back to a matter of privilege to do wrong and not be held accountable. I believe elected officials, public office, law enforcement, and people in positions of power and consequence should be held accountable to a much more severe standard than petty criminals because the harm they cause is irreparable and irreversible. Not only are they above the law, they are also exempt from consequence which allows them to do the worst harm. I also wrote down "misinformation masqueraded as fact." I thought that was an excellent description.  

Kansas City and San Francisco are going to the Super Bowl.

I heard more information from the investigation is making its way into the public forum so people are getting a better sense of how crooked the authorities are. I still do not have my own discovery because the jail used to shake me down and steal my legal notes and communication with my lawyers. And after the trial, my defense team refused or neglected to give me the information. 

Academic seminars rebroadcast during the mornings often catches my attention. The Next Chapter for Youth Justice, this morning, goes into some details related to the juvenile justice system. About 83 cents of every tax dollar goes to bureaucracy instead of community and housing a single inmate exceeds $144,000 per year (in 2019) and probably exceeds $220,000 per year now. It also indicates the shut down because of abuses to inmates resulting in lawsuits. I would say prisons for adults are as bad or worse. 

I still dream about my kids when they were small, including my daughter. 

I have been writing journal entries but have been reading what I have written a few days later and often throw away what I have written. I am not sure if I should talk about how an inmate got in trouble for encouraging a woman to touch herself in a sexual manner during a video visit. Or another story where an inmate was disciplined for allegedly being the recipient of sexual content during an in-person visit even though a guard testified otherwise and verified the video surveillance exonerated the inmate, but the footage was withheld from the proceedings and then they modified the charge to "attempted" sexual assault. Inmates can be punished for anything including things they didn't do. I try to be mindful of that but don't invite too much trouble as I tend get along with most people. 

I watched a rebroadcast of the University of Wisconsin's Nite Lab from September 19th, 2018. It was a presentation about ethics which I of course perceived in light of how I ended up in prison for crimes I did not commit. In academia, when a scientific study is fraudulent, the professional is required to make a retraction. They are not allowed to "create the data set."

Somehow there is never enough time when family come to visit.

My back feels about as good as it ever does and I go to rec this morning and keep the weight light. Afterward, while laying down, it makes the usual popping and ticking sounds while I breath when the muscles start to relax. I didn't encounter that wicked pinch that foreshadows the whiplash, but I cannot seem to realize any improvement. My elbow doesn't seem to make any improvement either. My heel doesn't tingle with pinpricks anymore but it too still hurts.

​I still cannot find more than 4 hours of sleep per day no matter how much I try. I do not have the TV that was ordered for me but the loaner TV has been a distraction to me, but also to quiet my neighbor on occasion when there are sports to watch. 

The guard serving breakfast says she saw my trial on TV and I look a lot different with short hair. I told her that it isn't true but I have to wait for my appeal. I told her the long hair is from the jail not letting me get it cut. She comments that she also saw the show my brother did; "the podcast," she called it. I acknowledge her statement saying another show just ran from Christmas through the new year. Her tone was basically surprise that I was on TV. She wasn't being condescending or anything.

Public television broadcasts seminars for farmers and other University of Wisconsin programming during the morning hours. I catch a few minutes of a show about livestock which differentiates between the scientific control of husbandry and the individual responsibility and "proper regard" for the individual rights called "stewardship." Everything I see and hear is reflected upon my own experiences and I think that most peoples expectations of authority is to provide stewardship, but the reality is that they are only interested in scientific control.

​My head spends a lot of time considering how the evolved legal process is ultimately the effort to negate the rights and protections supposed by the Constitution. Okay. I have to go fight with my back. Grrr!

Over-the-air broadcast TV is extremely commercial and the reception can be frustrating. I have been able to watch some news and sports over the last few days and some movies as well. I try to position the TV so the guy across from me without a TV can see as well but I usually keep the TV off and he has made a couple comments about what to put on the TV or my willingness to leave it on. I dislike the distraction, especially if I am trying to fall asleep which is almost always a lost cause making it an almost constant effort .