August 29, 2023

Recreation this morning. My back and elbow feel about as good as they ever do without treatment so I head down to range four where their recreation room has weight machines and some pull up bars. I am just focusing on light weight since I am not sure what I can try to do but doing nothing isn't helping anything. Wish I had any sort of medical care to advise me but the only medical care I have had in the last three years has been dismissive and unreceptive to my complaints. My body fights the repetitions and it causes the bar to wobble. I have the strength to move forty pounds with two hands but the pain causes the reflex response to quit the movement. It gets even funnier when I can't stop the little involuntary whimpers that sneak out. It's embarrassing as hell and I quit and go outside for a bit while the other guys are in there. Something between my right ring finger and my elbow is not right. My elbow is quickly sore and tender. I am strong enough as long as I grit my teeth through the pain but it is more exhausting fighting the pain than doing the exercise. When I get back to my cell after recreation I notice some old lady was laying in my bed. Oh, wait. No. False alarm. That must be along silver spider web from my own head so prominent against the brown sheet. Today is sure doing a good job of making me feel old. 

I look over the denial packet from the public defender's office. Because lawyers have not finished liquidating all the assets yet, I am denied a public defender. I applied too soon. Timeframes expired. This could be a problem. I am sure the system is eager to finalize buying me alive. I sure hope my family and all the people that can see the wrong are good enough to make up for this bogus system. What a complete scam. I also get the denial letter from the warden at Dodge. He affirms the major violation. I still don't even know if what I wrote in the appeal is valid. I keep thinking about the officer at the hearing, Jessie Schneider, refusing the motions I drafted and refusing any of my objections. He very adamantly explained how the hearing was not a court (of law) and the advocate was not an attorney. Even when I said I already had attorneys he just reiterated how it wasn't court. The only representation I was allowed was myself with less than an hour in extreme restrictions to access the law library. I will have to put together the motions I wrote and send them out so people can see. When staff fabricate a story to discipline you in prison, truth doesn't matter there either. Whatever they can get away with, they sure do. Most people feel like that is the standard or prerogative of a criminal but my experience says it is exactly how people in positions of authority behave. No less wrong and exponentially more harmful than most common criminals. Their little scam at Dodge will grossly deplete my funds to appeal to Madison and I will suffer restrictions on access to work or other programs for three years or until they overturn the violation. If a person made an allegation that halved your earning potential and blocked you from educational opportunities for three years while you were locked in a concrete box...?