August 3, 2023

I go see Nurse Lee for my annual screening. I tell her about my back, elbow, hell, and perpetual headache. She is following some form on a computer screen and doesn't note anything. She just advises me that I will be called to HSU to get a tetanus shot at some point. I haven't noticed any rust nails laying around. The government has damaged my trust of authority figures. It is probably sterilization to inhibit convicts from being able to reproduce once they go free. Just kidding. But maybe...? 

My property arrived today! Because only certain things are allowed with advanced permission some things I am forced to send back to the vendor. All items are also restricted as allowable limitation. Stuff I will use like paper, pens, and envelopes, I am also forced to "destroy" or "return." Destroy? Yep. It costs $3.95 to return anything from an order. I ended up returning things people sent me from eight orders. Their kindness turned into an expense imposed upon me by the institution. The process of sending me things will require some coordination. They don't let me have the prescription mouthwash in my cell on some paranoid security restriction as well. I accept they worry about safety but the policy is so somehow wrong. It was paper and envelopes and not enough to threaten the security of the institution. I cannot even imagine how many envelopes that would require.

My back is having an especially bad day today. Since I was arrested, all medical staff has done is dismiss, minimize, ignore, or refuse me any help that wasn't well exhausted years before I was arrested. The snapping and popping sounds aren't "subjective" symptoms. Something definitely moves different then before I hurt it. Sometimes the sounds offer a little relief, like to rub a charlie horse muscle spasm. The most painful is when my back goes into spasm and I try to stretch it out. The "traction" stretch, elongating my spine is the worst then. Very sharp and extremely alarming. My body fights the movement involuntarily. The creepiest sound it makes is what you might imagine biting into a slug might sound like. Like a tiny little squish. I don't know what moves or changes in my back to create that noise but it makes me feel like I still have a fresh wound.  

My elbow hurts all the time too. Mostly just a dull ache that is sore but I don't lean on my elbows too long if I do. It makes a cool snapping sound after a few push ups or after pull ups that go into full extension. Scar tissue? Inflammation? All the above I imagine, but the pain is super frustrating.

My right heel tingles. Something with the tendon. I can feel it when I "step up." Also, it is worse in the morning before stretches. So, I don't suspect nerve damage like the medical staff in jail and prison. Perhaps I was a dog that got run over by a car in my previous life? Nope. Just damaged in this one. I really miss having my girl pound on my back. She didn't mind nursing my damages and I really couldn't help loving her for it. That, and other things. Maybe she enjoyed pounding on my back because she really hated me. No, no way.