February 5, 2024

The guard doing his rounds wakes me at 1:00am. At 2:00am I talk to him briefly and let him know I am not mad at him and can tell when guards purposely hit the check point loudly. At 2:34am, a different guard brings a letter to my cell and asks which institution the letter is supposed to go to. I explain that the text behind service scans mail and forwards the letters to people not in prison. I even press the intercom button and explain to Sherman, who is a supervisor in the mail room, that the way tot tell the difference is to look at which P.O. Box the letter is addressed to. 189 means it is going to an inmate. 310 indicates it will go to a non-inmate. I had noticed my letter was opened and I asked both guards if they knew who opened my mail but both denied knowing. Throughout the day I asked other guards about who was responsible for processing outgoing letters but was told that the Sergeants open my mail so complaining won't make any difference. Every time they express an expectation I am going to complain I explain that I am not worried about anyone scanning my letters, but am worried they will mess up which letters go to which recipients. So, my thought is that I will reduce my written correspondence even more since the guards unfamiliarity or intentional meddling is causing issues with my outgoing mail. I am just not convinced the mail room staff doesn't understand the text behind service with hundreds of inmates who need to use the same service to write to their loved ones. I have been using the same service here for over six months and I suspect the issues with the mail are actually because the mail room was a recipient of the order to prevent me from communicating with my daughter. I see now why they are copied in the order and how it just enables the staff to mess with anything they like.

I really wish I could find competent legal help for all these other issues that being wrongfully convicted into a system so dishonest and eager to deprive inmates of even simple and basic accommodations. There is no consideration of credibility or truth. Just the default; eagerness to enforce the order to prevent me from being part of my kids lives. But no help for me to get a single night of rest.

​The worst part about being woken up was that I was dreaming about walking into my house and finding my son in a high chair when he was a year old and noticing his leg was folded uncomfortably so I scooped him up and was walking around the house looking for my other son and my daughter.