July 20, 2023

I wrote a bunch of stuff I hope to present. My back is freaking out from laying on my belly and drafting my motions for the hearing. After lunch, about 11:30am, I go to plead my case. When I enter the room there is a "white shirt" and Jander behind a table with a computer. The librarian and a guard and the law library clerk are in chairs along the wall opposite. I am shackled up in the nylon belt and handcuff ensemble and also cuffed to a nylon tether running to an anchor on the floor to keep me seated at the table. The "white shirt" is named Schneider and is the one who made me donate my legal books at intake so I am hopeful he remembers. The first witness is a guard who says he did not hear or see anything. Then why did my advocate have him called as a witness? It seems they already knew he wouldn't have anything because I don't understand why he was called first. Then they have the clerk say what he witnessed which is that I have never shown the librarian any particular interest and always focus on legal work with my time in the law library.

Then they have the librarian testify. She claims I asked her to forward my missing legal books but she "said no." Not true. She only ever said she didn't get them. I never asked her to send them. She also claimed she "didn't dismiss anyone from anything" before she and I spoke at unit 11. She said that she left her office and went to unit 11 to get butter. She also claimed "I'm hard of hearing." and that she didn't hear any of the giant fans running in the hallways. Big, floor standing, six foot tall with three foot metal fans mounted on top, and she couldn't hear them? She gets dismissed and I try to make a statement but don't get to see what is actually typed onto the computer. Schneider keeps saying that everything I say is not relevant. I tell him that he should not have dismissed the clerk because he can tell you that the librarian did, in fact, dismiss the inmates. He responds that I failed to ask him that question. I say he can ask Jander who reviewed the video with a supervisor. Schneider lashes out about how she isn't here to testify and she isn't here to represent me. She isn't my attorney and she is only here to guide me through the process. Apply the lubrication for legal rape, is more like it.

I turn to Jander and ask her who the supervisor is that she reviewed the video with and she snaps at me ugly "I don't have to disclose that!" Schneider checks some evidence folder and does see a video but won't let me see it and claims it somehow counts against me. He says that this isn't a court of law. He says that because I admitted that there was a brief conversation, that he will always believe his staff member, even if there is an indication they "don't remember something right." She is definitely lying and when she was asked questions during testimony she was hard of hearing but didn't have any trouble hearing Schneider. He even bothered pointing it out when I argued that if she does have trouble hearing then she could simply have mistaken my saying I was "staffed" and will be "transported" for a comment about being attractive. I honestly just think she is happy to get away with creating some record that a whatever I am would take interest in her. I am not one to eagerly criticize anyone's appearance, but she isn't attractive. I do ask Schneider to add that she is not attractive in his notes. He explains to me that his standard is "possibility." Because her and I had spoken, briefly, I am automatically guilty of whatever she claims I said. I respond by saying that if that is the standard then any staff knowing where they can trap an inmate becomes a safety issue for the inmate. Any staff member could inflict punishment dishonestly that way. He says if I am unhappy then I can file an appeal.

He looks in a book and makes some determination for punishment that will keep me in unit 18 until they anticipate I go to my regular joint on Monday. Well that is sure convenient how they put it together like that. I ask him if he is sure about that since I was served with a warrant for Ozaukee County this morning, so coincidentally enough, I guess I do now expect to go to a county jail. I did not know that on the 12th though.

Oh, yah. Forgot to mention; some lady came by my cell with detainer/warrant paperwork. I wonder if Ozaukee will try to hold me for three years too. I get a form called Appeal of a Contested Hearing. It asks me to identify the harmful procedural error (DOC 303.88). I wonder if DOC believes staff always tell the truth. Why bother with having rules and discipline? They can make up whatever they want. And who is keeping video evidence from being submitted to a hearing unless it clearly demonstrates the staff member is lying. The other video was still in "the folder" for Schneider to view. Every bit about this just as crooked as Kenosha. Guilty and whatever they can do to prevent you from proving your innocent and that what people are claiming could not possibly be true. 

I also received the child support wage garnishment paperwork to collect 50% of all incoming funds, up to $25 per month. That will cripple anyone's interest to help me so Sadie has more... to take care of the kids? Drinking money was always more important than working on a college fund for our daughter to her. I could have paid for all three of my kids to go to college before all of this. Now I am just a weird posterchild for governmental and institutional violations of people's rights. I am not anti-establishment. But when the establishment is more immoral than the people they brand as criminals then you know something is wrong. Is that Bill Murray in Ghostbusters where he says something about cats and dogs living together? How did he not become our President? Maybe I missed some sort of scandal about him or something but he was in a lot of fun movies. Or maybe it was just a few movies that were a lot of fun. I don't know. 

Birthday messages and cards have been arriving. Not many, but a few. I am generally opposed to cards but a few have been such really good selections. I wish people would stop sending the TextBehind cards. I dislike the company. I would rather have another letter instead of another reason for guards to rip apart my messages. I don't actually get many messages though. People tell me that I must be getting a lot but I don't. People's efforts are very invested in content creation and I really wish I could check out some of that stuff. People also tell me I must know all about the website, Facebook chat, livestreams, but I don't. I call my daughter twice a week. I receive about six messages. I suffer through another terrible novel. I pace back and forth hoping for legal access and news.

Good news! I have been re-reading messages lately. Old pictures spurred me into that. I don't expect people realize what little I have and how big a part of my life their messages are. I have a brown paper bag with a pinch of legal paperwork, a plastic dish for soap containing a partially used state-provided bar inside, a toothbrush about two inches long with the fewest and softest bristles to ever manipulate a paste, a couple of packets of clear toothpaste, a Bible, and a stack of what people have written me. Oh, I have three terrible novels that took me about a day each to read. I don't just read the messages. I lay around and think about them and look at the pictures. Like, if you had letters to replace internet and tv. Basically, that.

I told my daughter to take a portion of her first paycheck and buy some type of treat that she really enjoys, and put it somewhere she sees every day regularly and NOT eat it. I used to keep a candy bar on my desk at work, right under the monitor. Even when I was hungry or craving something, I wouldn't touch it. Impulse control. It is very important for anyone, really. I want my kids to grow up and feel enabled and in control of their own well-being and direction. I don't know if her heart will be in it the same way as mine was. There was a sugary cake with the lunch today. It was probably fairly tasty. I closed the lid of the styrofoam container over the top of it thinking "I love my baby girl, and I hope it is working for her too." Impulse control. Especially in here where there is so little reward and pleasure. Now that I am on disciplinary status I can only have one call per month available after 30 days of discipline. I will be done in four days though. So that doesn't really matter.

I wonder if Ozaukee County is going to get me tomorrow. They didn't arraign me on charges for over three years. That's what they do to drag everything out. Sit on charges and hit you with them years later. That's one of the strategies to keep guys trapped in the system. Milking the cows of illegal behavior. And sometimes framing people who didn't do anything but since most guys have a jilted lover and a jaded ex that is willing to set the hook, its really just a matter of reeling them in. I guess I just jumped metaphors there. Went from milking to fishing. Now some psychoanalyst is going to be making a video supposing that is evidence that I am a sociopath. Everyone knows you don't mix dairy and fish!