November 6, 2023

I dream about Solomon picking me up from our grandparents old house and using the parking break to keep it from rolling out of the inclined driveway while he had left it running. When we get in he drives really aggressively and manages to pop two tires taking a "movie turn" at the end of the block. Awakened by yelling at 1:16am. Stuck awake in my usual discomfort the rest of the night.

I fall asleep from about 8:30am until 9:30am. I am at a place I dream of on rare occasion; a brick home on a river front with a large yard and land between the house and the road, which is gravel. There is a large tree in the back yard, toward the river and its sedentary banks. I am pleased with the way the house and river are oriented so you can see the river from the North and East faces to capture a picturesque view. The breeze is so nice and all the branches voice their pleasure about it. As I round the Southwest corner, I encounter my son, about 6 years old, playing with the neighbor boy from down the road. I catch my boy and play-wrestle, holding my arm across his stomach to prevent him from fleeing. I look at his dark brown hair and brown eyes. He says "Dad, I'm thirsty." Although I would prefer to hold on and be close to him I give in and reply "Okay, let's get you something." As I stand up I hear a dog growling at the door. My son goes to the spigot on the outside of the house. An old black Labrador with fringes of silver on his chin is trying to be tough for the sake of the kids. His anger turns to happiness as I open the door and he realizes it is me and I feel sorry for his failing eyes and arthritic gait. He tries jumping up to lick my hand but I didn't bring him anything. It is a small home with a tiny kitchen and a table up against the wall that could only accommodate three chairs. I pull out my chair which has a simple cushion to pad the hard wooden seat. My loyal friend lays down by the left of me in his place. I recognize the subtle sounds from the back room as most likely being that she is checking herself in the mirror before coming out to see me. She steps into the kitchen and her eyes study me deeply. "Can I get you some tea?" she asks. "Please." When she strides past I want her to reach out and touch me, or, I her. Memories of her pregnant body in a dress we got her run through my mind. When she brings me the tea, I say to her "I missed you in this life." Her face is lighted with both happiness and pain. The tears break loose. She has never looked lovelier and she will forever be that beautiful in my eyes. She says, "I didn't want to remember you this time." We were supposed to find each other and recreate the happiness we realized in our last life. She is the energy that brings me peace. And then the darkness starts to collect me. My heart heaves in desperation while my mind races for what I need to say before I am lost without my soul mate, without knowing how or if I may find her again. No! Don't take me! Not yet! please! Without her I am all alone! We promised each other; in this life and the next! I awoke wishing I had said something about the time we told her parents that she was pregnant. We promised to find each other and recreate our happiness all over again. I have other memories too, of her and the house, with our son. I even have a memory of a young man racing down the gravel road way too fast and getting in an accident just far enough away from our house that I couldn't decide to run to the account or run to my car and drive to the accident, fearing that an additional vehicle would block too much of the road for anyone else to pass. It was a very bad accident. The billowing cloud of gravel dust and then that sound went from the racing engine to blasts of crashing as the car tumbled and rolled. My eyesight was so good. Quite unlike my eyes now.

​Mental constructs of my subconscious or perhaps reincarnation exists. I don't know why I remember their names but not my own in the dreams. 

I talked to Natalie today. I also got the denial letter from Madison to indicate they will not remove the librarian's bogus allegations and resulting discipline.