I rewrite my appeal for good cause and send out for copies. The layers of complications that work against inmates is obvious when my previous complaint of four handwritten pages was not returned. I had made copies of that as well in case they tried to pull some bogus move, like they did. Well, I will be able to show what I reported. Like trying to explain to a child with eyes closed, fingers in ears, yelling "la la la" as loud as he can. Exhaust administrative remedies? More like; be exhausted by administrative tragedy.
I suppose I am usually compelled to write when something frustrates me or saddens me to tears. Reading what I write is perhaps more like sitting through therapy with me than anything else. For that, I apologize. I am not really sure what goal I am writing toward. It is all very aimless as I just offer snapshots of moments that whomever reading along is willing to share with me. I suppose that is what this all comes down to; the people who are brave enough to share the experience. I have taken a few questions of peoples letters and offered some details in my journals to hopefully offer resolution to other people reading this who may share the same curiosity. Tonight I dreamt about showing my Granny, my mom's mom who is now passed away, my Camaro. I took it to a mechanic. The mechanic was doing some maintenance on my work van. Everything was so dirty I didn't want to lay down on the floor to look at the underside of the van without putting something down. I wanted to apply a grease to the calipers and brakes expecting the vehicle to sit unused for a while. The mechanic threw me a tube like that of caulk. I broke it open and the gooey, stringy mess reminded me of the five women. Two of the women are sisters. One of them is a half-sister to those two. All five are afflicted by growths on their faces. They are or were very beautiful before or aside from their affliction. They have been in my dreams before and are always happy to see me, and I them. I want for them to have surgery so they can feel beautiful again. They like that I can see through their condition. One is worse than the others. Her condition is almost as if she was hit with acid. She needs to tip her head back to make it easier to breath. Her scarring makes me wonder if she didn't make things worse by tearing at the growths instead of seeking help. She too is glad I can see how beautiful she once was. Shocked awake by hauling. The paper thin growths and stringy tissue still floating in my minds eye. They had such lovely dresses on. Light and floaty. What rotten and inconsiderate neighbors I have. The fan covers up a bit of the chatter to help me sleep but yelling and pounding supersede. It isn't as upsetting as losing a dream of my kids but it is nice to visit with old friends, even if they have ever have only existed in my dreams. I do lucid dream, sometimes. Very rare with how little sleep I get while in here. Some of my earliest experiences with that were of jumping higher and higher until I could essentially fly. That was when I was a kid. I have had the ability ever since. The ability to control many of my dreams, not the ability to fly. Today, a guard did say he believed the property guy has been on vacation for two weeks and is expected to return this week. No, someone doesn't cover for him. What our loved ones buy for us just waits. I, reflexively, panic and stop sending letters when things inexplicably stop. My stack of envelopes looks alarmingly small when I am unclear about the next opportunity to acquire more. Football was on TV today. True to their risk seeking behavior, gambling bets echo through the hall. You can tell the guys who owe because they cheer louder and pound harder at whatever their team is or isn't doing. The unfounded and speculative arguments of guys professing to know more about whatever team is part and parcel with their desire to wager with each other. Yes, with the sports season also comes arguing over senseless trivialities to invade my attempts to zen. I don't participate in the arguments. I don't gamble. Well, rarely. Not in jail or prison. I do wonder if I shouldn't have asked for a TV now though. So expensive. Like the radio that is loud enough to be heard over the other noise is also too expensive. The guys makeshift a connection to tether their tablets to listen to music. I would do the same so I could exercise while listening to music. I find it motivational. Feeling middle-aged sexy doesn't have much use in here but these physical therapy exercises could sure stand any help I can offer them. But attorneys are more expensive and more important than TVs and radios. Still waiting to hear if attorneys have settled transactions to pair with the funds the group has raised to satisfy a retainer. Months. Do journal entries seem incomplete without sarcastic comments, or comments about prosecutors with tiny hands who maybe prey on children? It would be nice to read through more of the online chatter. When a dozen people ask what my favorite color is, I have to imagine someone was like, "Mexicans." Has anyone guessed the ingredients to my cookie recipe yet? Do not answer that with "Mexicans." Cannibalism was a more popular jail rumor but popular does not make true. It makes wrongful convictions of innocent people. Done with complaining for today. I need to read more of the books that were sent to me. I am enjoying them very much.
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aboutThese are the journal entries of Zachariah Anderson. All entries are originally handwritten by Zach and then transcribed on his behalf. Please note that occasional misspellings and grammar errors may be fixed during transcription for the sake of making the entries easier to read and sensitive information may be redacted. Archives
July 2024
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