The all night shadowboxing ruins the few hours I might find for unconsciousness I wish I could be restful slumber. This morning they force us to exchange our issued clothes for clothes that have our name and DOC number ironed on. Many of the clothes don't fit well. Guys try to hang onto clothes that are the least worse. The grumpy late nighters protest a bit. A few people try to refuse but concede under the threat of being sent to the "hole," A block.
The guards threaten to take away today's recreation if one inmate doesn't comply. Other inmates dispute that possibility; group punishment. Another inmate replies that they just claim that they don't have enough staff. The security of the institution, not enough staff, and Covid are the top excuses to mistreat inmates. If I keep reading about how they lie to do whatever they like (the guards) then you'll probably see those excuses regularly. The inmates however, get upset about being required to change their clothes and two of the group that tried to get on some racist issue with me go on and on about the white guards and supervisor. It's been a long time since I heard anyone use the term "Peckerwood" with any hostility. A term that simultaneously implies that white men's erections get hard and the people using the term do not. Not that I care to know. I don't. It just seems like the use of the term is not condescending as his hostility seems to suggest. Most days are fairly well saturated with the same few guys spewing racist comments about whites. They like to say "soft-ass white boy" a lot. Also, a lot of their sentences or comments end with the word "ass." "Bitch-ass," "hoe-ass," "broke ass." Now that the guards are done destroying their illusion of control , the radio starts thumping and the aggressive rapping floods the range. When an animal sprays, tags, or marks their territory I was under the impression it was to advertise to potential mates that they are the dominant presence. There is a fire hydrant just outside the fence of the rec yard. They could walk inmates out there on a leash once per day, and then the guards could use it afterward so we don't forget who is in charge. Yes, it feels that ridiculous to me. Guess who was rocking out new Nikes at rec today? I feel all "Look, Ma! I'm so fast now!" That wasn't the only thing that was delivered yesterday. A folder, two bowls, and earbuds as well. I am going to pretend my kids and I spent part of the day tossing a frisbee. When I would have the kids over, I would have a little schedule posted for meals, snacks, and naps. The rhythm of a healthy life. They just got new shoes too. That's just me trying to share in something with them. I can't help it. My heart radiates happiness like the sun does shine when I look at their pictures. Love.
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aboutThese are the journal entries of Zachariah Anderson. All entries are originally handwritten by Zach and then transcribed on his behalf. Please note that occasional misspellings and grammar errors may be fixed during transcription for the sake of making the entries easier to read and sensitive information may be redacted. Archives
September 2024
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