I cannot tell if I don't have much to write about or have too much. Would anyone be interested to read about how physical therapy exercises exacerbate my back injury and last night and tonight I am making out at about tan hour of sleep because it hurts and over-the-counter medications they offer don't help at all. My heart is set on getting at this program for ten weeks. It has been years since I got hurt and the sounds my back makes has changed. I am quite miserable though. Not that I ever get much sleep, but an hour is not a a lot at all. Next level tired. My usual three and a half to four leaves my eyes in a constant sore fatigue. This is doubling how fast my hair falls out and forces me to concentrate to remember people's names. Everything feels so bizarre to me.
I have clothes with my name on them now, but they don't really fit me proper. Health Care doesn't care. What is this diet? They should drop the T. What the hell is that smell? I have looked for where it has been coming from since yesterday. I didn't sniff at the stainless steel toilet too close but I don't really know what it is I am smelling. Am I having a stroke? It sort of smells like burned plastic or something. The range has two guys who center around most of the deals. One is generally friendly toward whites. The other is volatile. Both strategies afford each some extra supplies. The friendly guy prepares food and trades for things he wants and guys he looks out for are happy to share. The other guy says he is "the mob" and tries to intimidate guys into giving the mob their percentage. It is all largely predicated on controlling peoples access to getting high. I include coffee/caffeine in that observation. The mob is talking about how they (he) gets a cut of all action on the range. The other guy feels like he is trying to call him out on something and they both end up in an argument which goes into which "soft-ass white boys" are under the protection of the nice guy. That's not how they say it though. They say "Yeah, I ride with (whomever)" and "if someone were to run up on me." If we ride together then if someone starts trouble with you they deal with us both. Run up on me means I am not going to attack you but I will fight. They swear on their gangs a lot which reminds me of little girls in grade school that would pinkie-swear to silly things. These, however, are grown men who could get violent enough to do real damage. As long as they are too lazy to separate and sharpen the leg of the plastic chair we have in our cells or something similar, then it will just be a lot of lip services and noise. I suspect the strategy to get loud and demanding was why the one of them tried to get tough with me. He seems to target junkies and white guys. Evident in who he deals with as well as the things he says. I think him and the rest of his group expected me to be afraid of them. The last couple rec days someone has offered to let me use a phone. The reality of people who use threats and intimidation is that they are always creating enmity. The delicate balance of keeping authority requires the opposition be held in disadvantage. Otherwise it welcomes a challenger. Although it may have seemed like a new inmate on the range could be an opportunity for exploitation, the worst possibility for them would be to enable a challenger. Because those two are at opposition or some sort of competition, it is best to just get along with me so I don't help one side or the other. That is why it was worth me threatening to fight the lot of them just to use the phone. I may have failed to write about that moment. I think it was before I had writing supplies here at WSPF. You can see when guys look to enable or disable challenges. I think that's why the system is geared so heavily to do what they want and resist any challenges. Whether you look at the judicial system or the prison system. The due process is designed to be a burden to any challenges by implementing simple excuses to just deny, or at least and most often to delay. It is the root of their authority. "They" are also similar to the people who "break check" you in traffic instead of just focusing on what's in front of them. For damages and delay the look to exercise their control. You probably never thought of it that way but just because a system is fancy or elaborate doesn't mean it isn't the expression of basic tendencies. I only point it out because it leads to questions like should we call all judges honorable? Or, why aren't there exceptions to judicial and qualified immunities? Well, there are for qualified immunities but I mean for pretrial purposes and not for civil suits. I know, it seems like I jumped off topic but it parallels. Lets just leave it at the bit about authorities and their inclination to suppress challengers. Wear those glasses for a few days and see how messed up people are. The integrity of authority is measured in its ability to accept honest and fair challenge. Honorable.
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aboutThese are the journal entries of Zachariah Anderson. All entries are originally handwritten by Zach and then transcribed on his behalf. Please note that occasional misspellings and grammar errors may be fixed during transcription for the sake of making the entries easier to read and sensitive information may be redacted. Archives
September 2024
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