The only prom I ever went to I was not allowed in because I was wearing a dress. I was a junior, I think. A friend of mine at the time felt a way about himself that desired to go to prom in a dress. My girlfriend at the time was unable to attend and I was expecting to go but was not going to go with him as a date. In a moment watching him select a dress I offered to wear the other dress to go in support of his decision to express himself. They didn't let us in. At a party later that evening someone grabbed him and dragged him outside. It was more of a spin and shove through the front door. I pushed through the group to go defend him and aside from some scrapes and scratches from the gravel driveway, he was okay. It was then, and still is now, important to support and try to defend my friend. Doing things like that might offend some people. I think lots of things about my life don't suit other peoples prerogatives. I have always been a lot of Brave and foolish, both. I ended up moving away and our friendship was not maintained but I still never read the book he wrote and I always wondered what moments he elected to include. At least I heard he wrote a book. I don't know if it was ever published.
mThat night I attempted to go to prom popped into my mind while composing a letter to someone. There are times I fear what people will think or say when they read what is here. I don't really know to what purpose or what group of people I am writing. I am just letting my thoughts flow onto the paper (expecting it will subsequently be censored for the must vulgar and profane sentiments and then typed into whatever format the internet consumes it). I guess it really comes down to the expectation that if you want a reason to dislike me, or anyone else, you will find one. And, the people that have been willing to come defend me have been so accepting of my faults and irregularities that it didn't cloud their ability to see the truth. I wish I could elaborate more about the elephant in the room, but that cannot happen until after the appeal. I think we all know what lying under oath is. If you didn't know it when you witnessed the testimony of the people claiming to be witnesses then... okay, I will leave it alone for now. Oh my God! That smell is me!? What did I eat that makes me smell like this? My diet is so alien to me that I didn't even recognize my own body odor. Avocados, oatmeal, lemon juice, fish, spinach, eggs. None of that ever made me smell like this. I take a rag and lather it thick with the bar of soap before I start my shower. The fifteen minute trickle is enough. to wash most of me. It's the rinsing that takes the longest. Then I have to use another rag to wipe off any left over soap. And then towel dry myself, the walls, and the floor. Then I turn my fan on the highest setting to help clear the humidity before book covers start to curl and envelopes begin sealing themselves shut. I should have just mailed the empty envelopes to important people like the attorney general or the governor. They deserve more correspondence from me but I am not sure what I can all say to them at the moment. An empty envelope would be for all the things I should be able to say but cannot. Someone tell my kids I love them. I... cannot.
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aboutThese are the journal entries of Zachariah Anderson. All entries are originally handwritten by Zach and then transcribed on his behalf. Please note that occasional misspellings and grammar errors may be fixed during transcription for the sake of making the entries easier to read and sensitive information may be redacted. Archives
July 2024
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